


Sea Monkeys

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-30
Updated: 2006-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-26 19:03:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12065121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin laugh at Mikey some more.  Sequel toSeahorses.





	Sea Monkeys

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

"What the fuck is this?" Michael demanded, dropping the latest illustrations for _Rage_ onto the table in front of Justin, narrowly missing the bowl of cereal the younger man was eating, then sliding into the booth opposite Brian and Justin.

"I told you I wasn't going to draw a pregnant Zephyr."

"So you drew JT giving Zephyr an aquarium full of seahorses? _Why_ would JT give Zephyr seahorses?"

_"Why_ would Zephyr pop a kid out of his ass?" Brian gestured for Debbie to refill his coffee. "It's a little late to be looking for logic."

"You know, Michael, I could have had JT give Zephyr sea monkeys, so be thankful for small favors." Justin stared at him for a moment, then turned his attention back to his breakfast.

"Meaning?"

"Well, given your desire to have Zephyr get pregnant, and given his ‘uterus-that's-not-a-uterus because he's a guy so he can't possibly have a uterus' then I could have had Zephyr be all sea monkey-like, fuck himself, and reproduce asexually." Justin studied Michael for a moment, taking note of the various shades of red that suddenly colored his face before the older man stood and stormed out of the diner.

"You know sea monkeys don't actually reproduce asexually by fucking themselves, right?" Brian asked once he'd managed to stop laughing.

"Christ, Brian, I'm not a moron. Michael, on the other hand . . ."

"Well, Mikey has a long, sordid history with sea monkeys, so he probably took it personally," Brian replied as Justin finished his cereal. He pulled a twenty from his wallet and dropped it on the table. "Come on, I'll tell you the story on the way to the office."

***

"So? Spill." Justin stepped around a crumpled McDonald's bag that littered the street in front of a local tattoo parlor and bumped his shoulder against Brian's, then smiled up at the taller man. "You promised."

"I did not. Okay, but you can't tell anyone. I'd never hear the end of it, and Mikey's particular brand of outrage-induced screeching would make my ears bleed."

"Fine. I promise."

"So when Michael was a kid he was all comic obsessed."

"You don't say?"

"Twat. Anyway, he always ordered stuff from the back of the comics. X-ray vision glasses, secret decoder rings . . . and sea monkeys."

"He's a bigger dork than I thought."

"Shut up and listen." Brian slung his arm around Justin's shoulders as they turned a corner. "So he ordered sea monkeys every other month or so because, let's face it, they have a pathetic shelf life. And he did this until he was 16."

"That's so lame."

"By the time he was 16, he'd been working in the diner for about a year, and he'd set aside most of his money so he could buy a vcr. They were still pretty new and expensive back then, but he wanted one so he could watch these stupid cartoon videos he managed to find God knows where." Brian pulled unlocked the door to _Kinnetik_ and ushered Justin inside the still-empty building. "So for his sixteenth birthday I decided to buy him his very first porn."

"Of course."

"Every young man needs porn. You know that. So one night he's watching the tape . . . sound off, of course, so Debbie doesn't catch him, and he's whacking away . . . and he comes-."

"Were you there?"

"What? No! Christ! He told me about it! I just ate, don't make me visualize this any more than I have to in order to tell the story," Brian replied, stepping into his office, Justin following along behind. "Just let me finish, okay? So he shoots his load . . . and he must've gone a long time without jerking off, because he comes and, inadvertently, because the tank with the sea monkeys was near his tv . . ."

"Oh, shit!" Justin bent forward, his arms wrapped around his waist, unable to stop laughing.

"Yeah . . . it landed in the sea monkey tank. By the time he'd cleaned up, turned off the tv and vcr, and checked on the sea monkeys, they were all dead. Murdered by Mikey cum."

"That is the _best_ story ever!"

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't tell anyone. Now, as my partner, it's your duty to make those scary thoughts recede back to the far corners of my memory." He twisted his hand in Justin's shirt and pulled the younger man forward, grateful that they'd gotten to the office a full forty-five minutes prior to the rest of his employees.

***

Shortly after lunch there was a knock on Brian's office door. He glanced up and saw Cynthia step into his office, a large manila folder in her hand.

"A little inter-office mail for you."

"Who from?"

"Justin." She dropped the envelope on his desk, then left, sliding the frosted-glass door shut.

Brian studied the envelope for a moment. Justin never sent him inter-office mail. If he had something to show him, or discuss with him, he usually just dropped by unannounced.

Sighing, he unwound the string that sealed the envelope and removed from it a solitary sheet of paper, obviously taken from the younger man's own sketch book. It was another illustration for _Rage._ It showed Zephyr in his bedroom, jerking off in front of the tv, while JT stood in the middle of Zephyr's living room, a small aquarium in his hands, with little monkey-like creatures in it, their names printed above their heads: _Spooge, Jizz, Spunk._

Brian chuckled, then picked up his phone and dialed. A moment later Justin picked up. "You know they don't really look like monkeys, right?"

"Again, not a moron."


End file.
